Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Change.

One day I will dust off my broken lap top so I can figure out how to resize photos and update about the magical week which was spent on a Caribbean cruise. Amazing people met, new places discovered, lessons learned, stories told, and complete and udder relaxation that never knew the time of day. Bliss.

While I'm a procrastinator, I am also a worrier, which takes away the fun of not doing what you should be doing. I couldn't have predicted how much I would need a week like that when I booked the trip, a week to clear my head and put off coming back to so many changes. I hate change. It's so unpredictable and it makes me feel vulnerable. One of my clients told me that when you are having a hard time with change, you should eat a lot of "wilty and pliable" foods like lettuce. Bring on the salad.

When did I grow into such a routine stick in the mud? What happened to the days when I used to work 8 hrs a day, go to school 4 hours a night, and still manage to hit 80's with Jacq or Adam? Watch movies at the Barnacle with Kryle and Cameron? Or hit Chili's with my managers after working weekends at my extra job?

February 2007, I was 20 years old and boy was I naive. Thank goodness. Without a care or a clue, I loaded up my car and moved to Denver. Looking back I can't believe no one tried to talk me out of it, but I have always been stubborn so I don't really blame them. A new city was exciting but scary. I had a job, and by April I had my BFF, Peri, to join me in my new venture. We worked together, lived together, played together, and everything in between. But she instantly met a boy, fell in love, got married, and down the road had Nolan. In pursuit of finding a new roommate, I browsed Craigslist and that's where I met Victoria.

How scary can a stranger from a Craigslist ad be? I was broke and desperate, so I decided to be risky (rare for me) and live with this stranger who hailed from a tiny town in Idaho settled by my own ancestors. From the beginning living together just worked. I'm sure I'm not easy to live with, but it worked for us. We shared a love for make-up, mushrooms and olives, and music. She felt like a sister that I had never met, someone that I just needed in my life. When our lease was up we found a new apartment, and three years later I'm sitting in the same living room that we could actually both agree upon. I think it's in this place that I have learned to love routine.

Next week I'll celebrate 6 years here in the Mile High. Most days are similar from my gym schedule to what I eat for breakfast(mmmm....bacon). Why routine? My question is, why change? I like my gym with familiar faces. I love my job where I get to work alongside amazing coworkers and more importantly, Peri. I love my apartment with tons of closets, a pool, a handful of parks within running distance, and Victoria. How lucky I have been to see two of my best friends on an almost daily basis for so long. But I guess there are new things on the horizon, because although I'm still sitting on a couch that I bought with Peri, in an apartment that I've lived in all these years with my "soul mate", everything is different.

Shortly after Christmas, Peri told me that her husband had accepted a job promotion that would move them back to Utah. I begged her to stay. And I cried. I've never needed my best friend more than I do right now, and now she's gone. Dramatic? Yes, but so true.

Back in September just as I was so excited to be leaving my 25th year of life behind, Victoria sat me down and broke some news that meant everything would change. "Do you have any idea what's going on?", she asked.. Silence. Tears. Then the news. "I'm pregnant." Shit.

What happened between then and now isn't really important anymore but there were some rough days. Although I'm not the one growing a baby inside me, or in any way responsible for it getting there, it still had a pretty big effect on me. The relationship, the morning sickness, the possibility of living with the baby.. Everything always just so up in the air. And finally, the proposal. And one month later, the wedding.

And now I'm alone.

From here, there's so much room for change. Trying to remember that my best adventures were sparked by change.

"Growth means change and change involves risks, stepping from the known to the unknown."

1 comment:

  1. What a courageous post! Change can be hard, but I'd say change works in your favor! I'm sure your next adventure will be even better!

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